My Fathers Day

My Fathers Day 2020 , By Ben Moorhouse

Last Sunday was my second Fathers day since Kallipateira died. It would also be my first with Apollon our miracle Rainbow baby who was born on May 23rd 2020 in Manchester. Not forgetting about the miscarriage we had at 9 weeks of pregnancy last May.

For me Fathers Day is a lovely way to acknowledge all Fathers in the world but at the same time I personally think its another day that has turned into a commercial ploy. It is nice to be able to show your love in a card but for me you don’t have to spend money to do this.

Fathers Day can be a difficult day for people who’s Fathers have passed away . This is why people should make the most of their dad’s while they are here in person.

Fathers Day is also a tough day for many Dads whos babies and children have died and are not here in person. Like everything else with Dads , most are forgot about on days like this .

Everyday I am a father to a daughter,  son and also another little person who we don’t know the sex of . The one thing that shows this more than any card or present is LOVE .

Love brings you grief . Grief shows your love .

With the current Coronavirus situation this cancelled any plans I had for fathers Day.  If everything was normal I would have taken Apollon with Gaynor to The Piece Hall in Halifax for some lunch and then a nice walk as a family but with everything closed I was happy just to be together.

On Fathers Day morning my first thoughts were for some other Dads I have met on this journey who will also be experiencing their own emotions . A couple of the Dads have also gone onto have rainbow babys very recently so I spent some time thinking of them.  A good friend who’s son died playing Rugby League was also in my thoughts. All good people who have experienced pain , but the love they have for their children will keep growing.

My thoughts very early on in the day turned to Kallipateira and that she should be here . Through what we now know her death could have been prevented and this anger will never go away . Kallipateira should be in this world breathing and eyes open . I could not allow my stress or sadness to be picked up by Apollon so I knew that Kallipateira would want me to enjoy the day with him the best I could and give him lots of love from his big sister.

In the morning we went for a nice walk together as a family.  Its not easy taking Apollon out in his pram . Its always in the back of my mind that if we passed anyone who had experienced the death of a baby could seeing us upset them ? Before Apollon was born we would easily be upset by seeing couples with prams especially with new babys in and we know how painful to see this can be.

In the afternoon I planned to sit with Apollon on my knee whilst we looked through Kallipateiras memory box . I showed Apollon everything in the box ( although his eyes were closed for most of it ! ) . Something I had to do was put his hand against Kallipateiras hand prints for the connection.. but also to see how big his sisters hands were compared to his!  This moment brought tears for us both .

In the evening we ordered some Greek food from the local restaurant.  Nothing like the amazing food in Rhodes but it would do !

Fathers Day was a day full of love , tears and pride.

To spend the day with Apollon was special but it brought many thoughts back of Kallipateiras preventable death.

Leave a Comment